If You’re Going to San Francisco- Scott McKenzie (written by John Phillips)

Or Our Values Are Just Fine, Thank You

We don't really wear flowers in our hair here anymore so if you're planning a visit, that's one less thing you need to worry about packing. I've been living here almost 25 years now and I can't think of a single time that I needed to break out the ole flowers for my hair. Anyway, imagine trying to get a flower to stay in Gavin Newsom's hair. What chance would a poor flower stem have against that protective shell he calls his hair? Come to think of it, how would I get a flower to stay in my own somewhat (only somewhat) thin hair? See, this flower in the hair thing is very complicated. No wonder it ended.

Another thing I don't think you need to worry about if you choose to visit is the whole San Francisco values thing. I hear it's caused Bill O 'Reilly all kinds of sleepless nights but I'm telling you, it's nothing to worry about. Earthquakes? Maybe. San Francisco values? Nahhh.

I was stumped at the whole fear of San Francisco values thing last year. I couldn't figure out what people were supposed to be afraid of. Would you help Mr. O 'Reilly, would you tell us what is it about this great city and its great people that causes you all that agita? What is it about the values here, values I would sum up with the words life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (hmmm, sounds familiar. Oh yeah, duhhh. Sorry, now I remember where I've heard those words.) that makes you quake (ha, ha. Get it? Quake.)? What is it that you think the people here are doing and thinking and believing that upsets you so? Working hard? Raising their children? Caring for their community- all of their community without excluding segments of it? Rooting for the 49ers? Sounds pretty All-American to me. I don’t want to be intrusive but, what are your values? How do they differ from ours, how are they better than ours?

Or is it our leaders, our representatives you fear? Is it Nancy Pelosi? Is it Dianne Feinstein? Is it Gavin Newsom? I think I'm on to something, aren’t I? You don’t like what they represent do you? And yet they are our representatives, we've elected them and they represent us and our values. You don't have a problem with the fact that our representatives represent us, do you? I mean it wouldn’t seem fair for our representatives to represent you would it?

What’s wrong with the people here Mr. O ‘Reilly? What’s wrong with their values? It seems to me people here are just people. Honest, hard working, tax paying, USA loving Americans just like you. Maybe you should visit us Mr. O ‘Reilly, maybe you should come see for yourself there really is nothing to fear from us. I promise you’ll be fine here. I promise there are no more heathens in San Francisco than there are saints in oh say, Crawford, Texas. I also promise that whatever you say and however loudly you say it, we’ll be keeping our values. But thanks for your input.

Oh, and if you do come visit, don't forget that it’s okay to leave your flowers at home.